How to Survive the Pain and Anxiety of Toxic Body Shaming from Family During the Holidays...

While the majority of those interactions, were almost certainly not intended to cause harm, the truth is, for some individuals who are actively battling disordered eating or struggling with body acceptance, these seemingly benign comments can be construed as harmful micro-aggressions that are deeply hurtful, and may even trigger potential harmful behaviors, such as, obsessive and compulsive body checking, dangerously restrictive eating patterns, bingeing behaviors, or purging.

So, how do we prepare for these potentially uncomfortable interactions?

First, know that it is absolutely okay to set firm boundaries around conversations with family members!

Next, expect that somebody is likely going to make a triggering comment, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

When we expect that situations like these are going to happen, this allows us to prepare by having some tools already set aside that can help us to navigate through it.

Remember to utilize self compassion and gentleness during this time! 

Know that in most cases, the comment wasn’t meant to be harmful, but was likely miscommunicated due to a lack of knowledge or information. Remember that many people, even clinicians and healthcare providers lack training and education surrounding eating disorders and body acceptance awareness. 

Next, remember to use a calm but assertive tone in your communication. This is necessary because having an overly aggressive tone during communication may escalate a the situation; However, having a tone that comes across as too passive may get ignored.

Finally, have some pre-thought out responses in your back pocket. Here are some examples:

If someone says, “Oh you’re planning to eat all of that?” Simply respond by saying, “You know what, we’re all here to have a good time. I’m not going to police your plate and I would appreciate it if you don’t police mine.“

There is no need to give any further explanation or continue with the conversation. Assertively stating your position, teaches others your boundaries as it relates to comments regarding food and your body.

If somebody says, “You’ve gotten thick!” or “You need to put some meat on your bones!”

You can simply respond by saying, “You know what? I love my body. It does what it is supposed to do in order to keep me alive and functioning and for that I am grateful! As long as I’m cool with my body, I really don’t care what anyone else has to say about it.“

Remember, that these responses only serve as a reference and every situation may be different; However, having some go to lines in your back pocket will certainly leave you feeling more prepared to interact with family over the holidays!

Exercise: Write down 5 triggering comments that have been directed towards you during family gatherings.

Next, write down 5 prepared responses that utilize calm and assertive communication techniques which you can use to establish firm boundaries with family members in order to address hurtful comments about your food and your body!

Do you, or does someone you know need support with possible disordered eating or body acceptance?

My name is Stefanie and I’m a licensed therapist in NC who helps clients to regain control over their relationships with food, body and inner-self while following a Health at Every Size or HAES aligned framework!

I have over 7 years of clinical experience, as well as a personal understanding of what it’s like to live with and recover from disordered eating and negative body image. Now, I’m here to support you! The Mindfulness Space provides individual and group outpatient psychotherapy services in order to support you during your journey to recovery!

Read more from The Mindfulness Space…

The Truth About Black Bodies: 5 Common Risk Factors that Contribute to the Development of Eating Disorders and Body Image Dissatisfaction in Black Americans