Have you ever shown up to a holiday gathering with friends or family and suddenly felt overwhelming feelings of fear, anxiety, shame, panic or embarrassment related to eating in front of others?

If so, you’re not alone! In fact, during the holiday season, this is a phenomena that many of us frequently experience!

What Causes Food Anxiety and the Fear of Eating Around Others?

The fear of eating in front of others can often be associated with underlying social anxiety or phobia, body image discomfort, or eating disorders and in many cases, can be driven by the underlying fear of being judged or negatively evaluated by others.

It can potentially lead to restrictive eating behaviors, binge eating as a result of restricting food, and later compensatory behaviors in attempts to “correct” the binge.

The fear of sitting down and sharing a meal with others can be particularly challenging during the holiday season, when many of us spend more time with family and friends!

So How do We Manage this Fear?

1. Shift the Focus (Mindfully):
Instead of fixating on the act of eating, concentrate on the social aspects of the gathering in the present moment, while remaining non-judgmental. Engage in conversations, participate in activities, and enjoy the company of others in the moment. Redirecting your attention can help ease anxiety about eating by shifting your mind off of the negative thoughts rooted in the fear of judgement that lead to worsening symptoms.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts by Setting Realistic Expectations:
Recognize that holiday gatherings are about more than just food! Set realistic expectations for yourself, understanding that people are there to connect and enjoy each other’s company, not to scrutinize your eating habits.

3. Use the DBT Plan Ahead/Cope Ahead Skill:
Start by visualizing in as much detail as possible, how you will positively manage any potential negative comments about your eating. Have some planned responses ready, as this will help you to feel more in control and less worried about what others may think or say. You will already know how to respond to it!

(*Pro Tip: Use your DEAR MAN skills to help guide you through having difficult conversations with others!)

4. Ride the Emotional Wave AKA “Urge Surfing”
“Urge Surfing” or “Riding the Wave” is a DBT skill that can be particularly useful in managing anxiety or discomfort associated with eating in front of others.

1. Acknowledge the Urge:
Recognize and acknowledge the urge or anxiety related to eating in front of others. Instead of trying to push it away, accept that it’s there.

2. Observe the Sensation:
Pay attention to the physical sensations associated with the urge. This might include a racing heart, shallow breathing, or tension. Observe these sensations without judgment.

3. Breathe Mindfully:
Allow yourself to breath slowly and deeply while staying centered in the present moment.

4. Ride the Wave (Mindfully):
Imagine the urge as a wave that rises and falls. Allow yourself to “ride” this wave without trying to fight against it. Waves of discomfort come and go; the key is to stay present and observe.

5. Express Self-Compassion:
Most importantly, remember to be kind to yourself! Recognize that experiencing any anxiety, especially around eating, can feel scary!

Embrace self-compassion, acknowledging that working through it takes time. Know that support is there is your need it!

Do you need guided support related to overcoming anxiety or fear surrounding eating around others? The Mindfulness Space is here to help!

Stefanie Lawson is a licensed therapist with nearly a decade of clinical experience and owner of The Mindfulness Space therapy in Greensboro North Carolina, where she maintains specialized education and training in treating the underlying depression, anxiety, stress or unresolved trauma that often leads to eating disorders and issues concerning body image dissatisfaction (i.e. Body Dysmorphic Disorder) in adults and transitional aged teens (older teenagers who are transitioning into adulthood).

Schedule your free 30 minute consultation call with The Mindfulness Space today to learn more about how we can help you!